Little White Dress Vol. 2-with Ashley

It was a bit of a magic when I got to connect with Ashley. I was at the collaborative event between Boston Girl Collective and Let’s Shoot Boston in March. I was not interacting with Ashley the whole time but we accidentally said “hi” to each other towards the end of the event when I was leaving. After we followed each other on Instagram I found out she was a Lolita.

I fell in love with Lolita fashion when I was 17 or 18, because I have been a girly girl my whole life. So when I found out through Ashley about the Lolita community in Boston, I was psyched and I immediately wanted to feature her as one of my “Little White Dress” stories.

To give everyone a little bit of background, Lolita (ロリータ・ファッション rorīta fasshon) is a fashion subculture from Japan that is highly influenced by Victorian and Edwardian children's clothing and styles from the Rococo period. It’s all about cuteness overload, and there are a lot of types of Lolita Fashion. I was very into Sweet Lolita, but Ashley is a more of a Victorian Lolita girl.

She told me she started doing cosplay early on and, when she saw some Lolita girls at one of the comic cons she went to, she started to get interested in the fashion. Just to be clear here, Lolita fashion has nothing to do with cosplay, because dressing up as a Lolita is not role playing.

I am still not sure how popular Lolita fashion is in the US, but, in Japan and East Asia, it is a pretty big thing. Despite my love for Lolita fashion, I never had the courage to actually dress up in a full set of Lolita clothing because I was worried people would give me weird looks on the street. Now I think of it, it is actually a lot better to dress up as a Lolita in Asia, since people would not act as aggressively as people here in the US. When I was doing the shoot with Ashley we kept getting people asking if they can take a picture with Ashley, which we both found very annoying and disrespectful. But, as Ashley said, the urge to dress up in pretty Lolita clothing trumped these awkward acquaintances. “Keep calm, and Lolita on”, right?

We did two shoots altogether, one at the Boston Public Garden and the other at the Boston Public Library Restaurant where we had an afternoon tea together. Ashley’s Victorian Lolita style fits these two locations a lot, it almost felt like other people were wearing the wrong clothes. The first outfit we featured was her white Lolita coat from Alice and Pirate, and her bonnet with flowers she glued on herself. Second outfit we featured was her off-white JSK (Jumperskirt) with the stunning detailed gate print and her amazing Vintage hat.

Q&A with Ashley

Q: What do you do?

A: I am a Biostatistician. I work on HIV AIDS clinical trials. Besides that, I have a Youtube channel that is mainly focused on Lolita fashion, cosplay and dressing up. I also play Dungeons and Dragons once every week at Cambridge, and I just started DMing a game (became the Dungeon Master of the game).

Q: What do you enjoy the most in life? And what does it mean to you?

A: Wearing Lolita gives me a lot of joy. I made friends, went to tea and museums with other Lolita girls. Having that community and creative outlet is very important to me. Every time when I wear Lolita clothes, I just have that feeling of, “Ohh it’s super pretty, yay!” It’s gorgeous, and it makes me happy. Lolita fashion made me grow into a more confident person, but most importantly it provided me a community.

Q: When was the first time you wore a white dress, what occasion?

A: It was my first communion dress, I was 6 or 7. I didn’t like dresses much until I went to the comic con after college and discovered Lolita Fashion.

Q: What does a little white dress make you think of?

A: Purity, youthfulness. I usually don’t wear something pure white, I think off-white is better for me to mix and match.

Q: What is the piece of garment you think every girl should have?

A: A dress with pockets! Because it’s practical and girly.

If you are interested in knowing more about Lolita fashion, feel free to check out Ashley’s Youtube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/mischievouspixi

The Crying Experience II

I still cannot believe I finished another crying experience.

When I finished the first one with Josephine, I thought people would think I was crazy and despite the fact that I posted stories on Instagram asking people to participate in my project, I did not expect there would be more than 1 person messaging me.

Alici was one of the first people who contacted me.

I was very surprised that she would want to do this with me, because I have only met her once at the Let’s Shoot Boston event and she seemed like a cheery young girl who would not have immense emotion that would trigger her interest in my project but I was wrong.

How everything started

My original impression of Alici was, make up free natural beauty and effortlessly talented in front of the camera so even with doubt I agreed to meet up with her. We met at the Starbucks close to Berkelee and started our discussion. When I asked her if she could cry in front of the camera, she seemed very confident and told me that her own poems and her songs would easily make her emotional. Then we brainstormed on the editorial part. She said she was thinking of something floral themed so I asked her what flower she liked, and she told me it was the yellow daisy, therefore we started to work on this yellow daisy image.

About the Editorial Look

I am so lucky to be able to work with Najeema again for our editorial part, she always brings our vision to reality. And she is that kind of person who would be willing to do it all over again if something doesn’t work out for the shoot. For example, I thought the eyeshadow she originally chose was a bit too dark for our concept, she then asked Alici to wash off her makeup so that we could use a better shade of yellow. I really appreciate all of the effort she put into this.

We used a lot of petals from the yellow daisies to fulfill this look. Some petals underneath Alici’s eyes to echo with the crying theme, and some on her neck to make the image more wholesome. I wanted to use the yellow fabric as the background because I thought that would enhance the image a lot more and nail the yellow daisy/fairy vibe.

About Alici

Originally from Brazil, Alici is currently a student at Berkelee, and she studies music composition and business. She writes songs and poems, and she’s travelled many places of the world compared with girls her age, saying it was due to her father’s job.

The most interesting thing was that Alici told me she has synesthesia. She said she could see colors when she saw people or things she was familiar with. She said yellow was her color, that’s why she picked yellow daisy as her theme.

I asked her what my color was, and she said she saw purple in me. The color could change according to how well she understood a person as well. For example, when she first met her current boyfriend she thought he was gold, and when she saw his sensitive side she saw him more as white.

Her throat was not well that day, so she did not bring her guitar with her, instead she brought her notebook with poetries she wrote and read a poem for me after our editorial shoot. It was a poem in a flashback of her life from 17 to her childhood.

She started:

 “I wish I was still 17.

Living a dream where everything could be achieved.”

She said 17 was the age that she would want to go back if there was a time machine. To her, it seemed like 17 was the year that she accomplished or healed something.

And then she went on:

“I wondered if I was giving too

much or not enough my 15 year old

self on the couch that one night with

my parents upstairs you were whispering

in my ear as I remember the sight of deer in headlights floating near.”

These words when I read them don’t seem to carry any weight, but in fact they hide a secret of Alici’s when she was 15. She slowly brought me to her memory of that night. She said she was with this guy in her school, on her couch and he was older. He brought a bottle of alcohol, he started drinking and Alici took some sips as well. After a while, they started kissing. It was Alici’s first kiss, she thought that was kind of cool, and her head was not thinking much with the impact of alcohol. As things progressed, everything started to get out of control, it was a kiss, then it was making out. Alici felt as if she was watching herself from afar, she could not do anything, she did not shout although her parents were upstairs, she just laid there.

She was raped.

She did not know how it happened so fast, and why she could not do anything about it. She was depressed for a long time. One day, she decided to kill herself, she picked a time when her family was supposed to be away from the house. One of her friends, however, detected something was wrong with her when they met at school, so he emailed her mom about it, asking them to watch over her at night. That night, nothing happened, due to a diligent and caring friend, and Alici went on a healing path. She went to meetings and started to sing songs for people. She fell in love with the fact that music could make people happy and smile. She used music to heal other people but also heal herself at the same time. And perhaps that was why poetry and music started to mean a lot to her. This energy of healing makes me think of the yellow daisy she likes, and the more I think the more I feel that the yellow daisy symbolizes her strength.

She cried when she was telling me this experience, but also, she urged me to not feel sorry for her. I think it was a deep pain in her, because of the shame she felt. But she had no fault in this. I cried as well when I listened to her story, I could not bear the fact that this accident made her feel worthless, and I was angry at the young irresponsible and impulsive teenage boy who let his hormones take control of him and not knowing how much he ruined. I told Alici, although you could not change what has happened, you should let it be a part of you, because it made you stronger and made you who you are now. And for all of the people who went through things like this, please always know that you are not at fault, please tell the people you trust about it, please seek help to heal, and please don’t give up on life, because there are so many other beautiful things in life that are waiting for you.

She ended her poem with a slightly sad tone:

“11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, my childhood all the same.

Except 5 on the farm. I remember you calling my name and leading me to a place where I have felt the most pain.”

I forgot to ask her about the last part of her poem and what was the pain, but I think it was not important anymore compared with the happiness she’s enjoying now. As I can see, despite being traumatized, she rose from the ashes and became a beautiful strong young woman, or you could say the amazing yellow daisy fairy.

In the End

I am so glad we got to create these images together, I hope whenever she sees them, she gains strength and energy. All the best from the bottom of my heart.

Little White Dress Vol. 1-with Holly

Crystals, bunnies, Palo Santo, food zine, channeling with angels, these are all the key words of Holly.

I first met Holly in December 2017 at the Let’s Shoot party. She impressed everyone by bringing her homemade rose flavored rice krispies. Her silver white hair also caught my attention not because of the color but because usually the people with silver white hair are punk or somewhat rebellious and I sensed a different energy from her. I felt that she was tame but witty. Later, as I found out she and Najeema had known each other for a long time, I got more drawn to their circle.

I don’t remember when the concept of “Little White Dress” popped up in my head. I wonder if it was inspired by Holly’s hair color or the black outfit she was wearing in winter. I thought to myself, “What if she wore white?” Then I thought of “Little Black Dress”: Audrey Hepburn made it famous, and my favorite singer Sarah Bareilles even wrote a song named “Little Black Dress”. So why not “Little White Dress”?

After Holly agreed with the shoot, I decided to do it at her apartment because it was the place that represented her the most, and most importantly, it was still very cold in Boston for any outdoor shoot. We were lucky to have Najeema doing the makeup for us again, and she also offered to be the hair stylist. Holly just recovered from a cold and I was so grateful she did not cancel on me.  She picked a very folksy sheer white dress, and we were all in love with it. We also took some pictures with her beloved bunny Weetzie.

Q&A with Holly

Q: What do you do?

A: I work at a computer science lab on week days and my main responsibilities are like project management and product management. On the side, I am doing this foodzine with my husband Greg and my friend Lauren called Sunday Brunch Club, it is about vegetarian cuisine. I am also trying to do some photography lately, playing with layout and stuff.

Q: What do you enjoy the most in your life?

A: Creating things, because there is a satisfaction in making something. And I like to be in tune with nature, and also to make something to appreciate.

Q: When was the first time (approximately) you wore a white dress, what was the occasion?

A: Not sure when was the first time, but I got into wearing white dresses during my honeymoon in Cartagena. It was hot and tropical so it felt nice to wear white, white dresses are good for summer.

Q: What does a Little White Dress make you think of?

A: Clean and pure, bright and airy, makes everything feel very fresh.

Q: What is the piece of garment you think every girl should have?

A: A little black dress for winter, and a little white dress for summer.

After the shoot, Holly did a tarot card reading for me because I actually came for the reading but not for the shoot (jk). I loved how she interpreted the cards! She was patient and sincere, because obviously I did not pay her for that. I totally believe she came from another planet to rescue the people around her. She also told me she would like to get into a bit of the darker witch craft.

I am so glad I now have a magical friend.